I feel so shitty right now. My girlfriend is a prostitute. It’s how we met. She is the one who started it with me, the whole love story. Now I am sitting here crying. 6 Month of shit I suffered. I bottled it up. Thought I am so strong for understanding her work, being so confident, so strong. But no, I am not. It all was bottled up. And now I can’t stop crying.
It’s all so stupid. Yesterday one of her customers added me on Facebook because he thought it’s weird she has a SO. He emailed me their conversation because he thought I don’t know anything about what she does. What I’ve read is brutal. Meeting my SO is like ordering a pizza. Total lack of respect. “How much” “how long” “I call you” “k”.
One thing I told her was, that she should always be honest with me. No long time bullshit going on vacations with customers or having them longer than 5-6hours. That guy wanted 48 hours, straight, she always being there. She agreed. That’s what broke my heart. Also was that whole Facebook thing for discussion, she told me there’s no work communication on Facebook. It gave me some sense of security, I don’t know why I believed it. When she’s sleeping she’s always online, every 30minutes-1.5hours. I’ve not seen her sleep through an entire night unless she’s with me. Now it all makes sense. With customers “ordering” via Facebook, you have to respond. You don’t want to lose a customer because your always taking your time replying.
I knew it from the start. I mean, I know how it works. I know the forums. But she convinced me of the opposite that she’s not like that. And now I am the IDIOT. How can she do that to me? Has she written with me when she was with a customer? I told her I NEVER ever wanted that. But I can’t trust it now. All the shit is coming back, everything I thought I have under control. Imagining her sucking dick while texting me, I can’t shake it anymore. It’s like she just murdered our relationship and doesn’t even know it. I cannot feel incredible sad when thinking about our good times together. I was hesitant to fall in love, but I did. I didn’t want this shit. I didn’t ask for it. I just wanted fun with my buddy and a damn fine luxury travel adventure.
Then this girl showed up with her girlfriend. I knew she was cool. I knew she got it. But I knew she will never be into me. Women like that just don’t. They stay about 5 hours 2 nights each, then we invite them to go on vacation with us. Everything cool. I know how to handle this, if I don’t want to crush on someone I don’t. We have a great time. 3 days into the vacation the girls start acting weird, I don’t know what it was till today. Since we are in a pretty big villa, it’s easy to avoid each other. I just go to them and try to hand them their money, which I thought was the reason for trouble. No, they didn’t want it. Fuck this shit. That night we go drinking and she ends up crying drunk in my arms. I guess it’s a hard life. Next day she’s all happy and shit. Rest of vacation is roughly the best time of the past years. We exchanged contacts and stayed in contact after our vacation. Alot of talking. I asked many questions. I will just ask this: can she really love me? I mean we have a little history now. When I was sick and in hospital, she took care of me for days. She fucking washed me in bed. What kind of woman does that? Every woman?
I have never met one. When we are with her friends (mostly prostitutes or Luton escorts) we have an incredible time (wow, no shit Sherlock, and 10 beautiful woman equals fun) and she treats me like a king. She try’s going beyond what I experienced with her as a customer in bed. She always listens to me. I had a dream this night, she called me to tell me she stops working. That was the fucking best dream I had. And when I realized it was a dream, I realized I wasn’t really okay with it.
I think it’s obvious that she loves me and cares about me. I think it’s also obvious that it weighs on her mind a lot and that she sees herself as less for having done it. One of the first things I noticed about my girlfriend when I met her was that she had a very low self-esteem. I spent a lot of time working on that with her and sort of feel that we’ve reached a point where she feels she can tell me what she needs to tell me. Maybe that’s how I feel about this one, not so much jealousy, but the fact that I have reached a point where she can tell me.
Being supportive doesn’t mean that I don’t feel though. I do. What will make or break what I have is how I control those feelings. Past doesn’t make present or future. It is past and it can’t be changed. I have just evaluated what I have on how she is with me, not how she was years ago.
My boat seems to have a lot of pieces and parts though and what has me wondering is whether I let them come at their own time or just try and put it all together up front. I’m leaning towards the come at their own time perspective because I do love this woman and because she’s been nothing but loving with me.
Now here’s the hard part. I don’t let her bothers me. I didn’t know her then. I weren’t emotionally involved with her then. I have no idea what she had to go through nor what she really did and ya know, don’t ask.I don’t know reedit, over at relationships or something I don’t want to post, I know this relationship is over sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time until I break down completely with this shit. And yes, the age: I am 24 and she is 22.
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